So, you’re in the midst of a date. You’re enjoying dinner or getting your Netflix and Chill on with your main chick when your phone buzzes. You’re getting a phone call. You casually flip your phone over and freeze once you see the name on the caller ID. It’s your side hoe.
Any run of the mill fuck boy would drown in this situation and end up both main and side chick-less. But you’re not any ordinary fuck boy. You’re prepared for this situation. How, you might ask. Because you’ve got me and I’m going to help you navigate this situation like a pro.
All you gotta do is follow these five steps. Don’t worry. I gotchu fam.
1. Be Prepared
The easiest way to get caught hoeing around is by not thinking ahead. If you don’t think about situations like getting a phone call from your side chick in the middle of a date with bae, then you should expect to get caught.
This isn’t amateur hour, get your shit together man. Start by entering your side hoe(s) as different names in your contacts. Your girl will get suspicious if you’re getting a call from Mikayla or Stephanie, but if you’re getting a call from your cousin Edna she’ll suspect nothing. And for the love of god don’t put them in as Dominos unless you want to explain why a Pizza Place is texting you.
On top of giving your side hoe an incognito contact name, you should take some other precautions. Set your phone so that your texts don’t display on your lock screen. The last thing you want is to get a sext from “cousin Edna” and your girlfriend think that you’re either cheating on her or have a really fucked up family dynamic.
And if you must give your girl your password, make sure you are good about deleting your messages.
2. Handle the Call and Don’t Panic
Girls are intuitive creatures. They are experienced with seeing through your bullshit and catching all your little Freudian slips. So, when you get that booty call in the middle of a date, you need to stay calm. Your woman is essentially a walking lie detector, so make no sudden movements. Because even if you ignore the call or handle it seemingly well, a woman will know when you’re panicking.
So, when Edna or “work” calls, you better ignore the call without breaking a sweat. Better yet, answer it. Make sure you’re far enough away from your girl so that she can’t hear the thirst pouring through your iPhone speaker, put that shit on mute, and say that you’re on a date with your girl and that you’ll handle work stuff later. Hang up and if you need to send (and immediately delete) an excuse via text to your side chick.
Or better yet. Ignore the text or call and deal with it later.
3. Stay Chill
Don’t act shady after the fact. You literally need to act like something terrifying didn’t just happen. Your woman is more likely to feel like you’re cheating if you’re acting suspicious than if you’re texting your side hoe right in front of her but being chill about it. So, stay cool, calm, and collected.
Play on, Player.
Here’s a video of what might happen if bae see’s the call from your sidechick!